Monday, 07 November 2016 06:21

I Want to Forgive, But How?

Written by  Kemi Searcy
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An offense creates highly detrimental weather between us and our fellow humans or even God. Holding onto an offense is never profitable because it allows our souls to be poisoned by the slime of bitterness, resentments, anger, rage, and un-forgiveness that brings about a wounded spirit.

You may recognize that you took the pill of unforgiveness, expecting someone else to suffer for it. Then you discovered that your offended heart had become so heavy, it weighs you down like a ton of bricks.


Jesus told a story of a king who forgave a huge debt his servant owed him. He later learned that this same servant had refused to forgive another fellow servant a very small debt. The king became incensed by the unforgiving act of his unmerciful servant, and queried him by saying, “I forgave you an enormous debt, could you not have reciprocated the mercy given to you?” The king concluded by saying that because the man refused to forgive, he was handed over to tormentors. (See Matthew 18:23-35.)


Are you feeling weighed down, heavy hearted, confused, oppressed, ruffled in the inside, or experiencing a lack of peace?  If you are, take a deep look inside your soul. It could be that you may have given access to the tormentor, whose name is the devil, through an avenue of unforgiveness.


The apostle Paul was clear on the fact that if we don’t forgive, Satan will outwit us and take the advantage we give him, in order to torment us. (See 2 Corinthians 2:11.)


Perhaps you want to forgive, but don’t know how. To really forgive and live the life you were created to live, a life void of stress and anxiety, I want to share a few points that have helped me navigate through my own hurts and pains.



1. Move On to the Next Act

I will borrow a statement from Wayne Dyer that helps give language to my thoughts: “Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. But all of them are necessary, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act.” 


2.  Knowing Why You are Offended Can Help You Forgive

Here are some questions to consider:


  • Do I have an unhealthy desire to please others?

When I feel offense coming on I ask myself why. I know everybody is entitled to their opinions, but why am I allowing myself to be defined by what they say? I have learned that it is usually because I care too much about what they think.


  • Am I too serious about life?

It could be that I am taking life too seriously. We have only one life to live, and only 24 hours in each day to live it. I believe we need to let our hair down sometimes, and enjoy the gift of life we’ve been given. God does not want us be so uptight about everything. Choose to ignore some of the provocations that life throws at you and focus on a positive aspect of your life. By doing so you will gain perspective and find that there is not a whole lot to forgive.


  • Am I confronting the real issue?

Jesus says if your brother does something against you, go to him to settle the matter between you and him. If he refuses to listen, take the matter to a respectable party. If he refuses to go with you, just leave the issue alone as you have done your part. Your only responsibility is to make sure you forgive him truly from your heart immediately. Scripture tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. This will help issues not to fester.


You know you have forgiven when you can look squarely in the eyes of the person who has wronged you, without animosity in your heart. You can also know you have forgiven when you are able to remember the issue without experiencing a prick in your soul.


We have a responsibility as Christians to model Christ’s life to others, but that is only possible when we submerge our flesh in the Holy Spirit. The Spirit’s power then helps us to subdue our fleshly nature toward un-forgiveness. It is then only that we truly can forgive as Christ forgave us.


Last modified on Monday, 07 November 2016 06:31
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