Monday, 04 April 2016 10:06

Stop the Hurting

Written by  Kemi Searcy
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Pamela was married to the man of her dreams. After 10 years and 3 kids, she knew their romance would be a legacy. But something happened during year 11... maybe midlife crisis or a mental breakdown, but her husband became a totally different person. He stopped helping the kids with homework. He had been the chief cook and did most of the laundry, but no more. Pamela tried to get him to counseling as their relationship began to increasingly suffer. Then Pamela’s husband announced that he just didn’t want to be married anymore. He had found a man that he had begun a relationship with and wanted out.

Pamela was devastated. She was beyond hurt – she felt like a part of her had died.


Do you think Pamela will think she can stop herself from hurting? She might even believe that no one could ever understand the way in which she hurt. But there are many women who laugh on the outside, but sigh on the inside; they sing words of rejoicing while a cry of lamentation permeates their souls. I know personally what it means to be sexually harassed by an authority figure whose responsibility was to protect me. I have suffered rejection, compounded illnesses, poverty, and the loss of loved ones. I know pain and suffering very well.


Hurt occurs when unfavorable events happens that affect our emotions negatively. Hurt can feel like a dagger piercing our soul. If healing is not applied quickly to the wounds, they can result in intense chronic sores. Yet Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”


You see, if I feel hurt by someone or something it simply means I made an agreement to be hurt.  Although everyone is entitled to their opinion, those opinions need not define who I am. I am sovereign over my emotions, just as I alone decide if I am going to be hurt by a circumstance and how deep I will allow the wound to fester.    


We Can Stop Hurting...

With God’s Help!


If you haven’t been deeply hurt yet, I expect that sometime during your life you will be. But I have a directive: push through and keep on living. As long as you live in a fallen and a depraved world, you will contend with flawed humanity, whose propensity is to rub you the wrong way.


When we suffer death, divorce, separation, incarceration etc., we can’t just flick on a switch to stop ourselves from hurting. You may need a pain management consultant; I personally know the best one, the greatest physician of all times – Jesus. He came purposely to heal the brokenhearted. Begin by telling Him your hurts, and start trusting Him to deliver.  


To Stop Hurting:


1. Accept that You are Wounded. Healing cannot begin when you are in denial. When I first got married I would always say “no” when asked by my husband whether or not I was hurt by something he did. I soon realized that not dealing with the issue caused him to keep repeating the offense, and continued the hurt.


2. Maintain Self Control. Proverb 25:28 says that a person without self-control is like a city with a broken-down walls. Most of our actions go through four stages:


We see     We think       We meditate      We act


Most actions can be stopped at the thinking level because God has given believers the power to choose what we think. You have an awesome ability within the grace of God to switch off and on what you do and don’t allow to set in your spirit. (See Philippians 2:5, Philippians 4:8)


 In Proverb 25:28 God uses a city without walls as a metaphor to describe the condition of uncontrolled human emotions. If you don’t filter what you meditate on, you will take in whatever the devil throws at you. The result will be a damaged heart.


3. Don’t Dwell on the Hurt. Forgiveness is a must for the healing process. When you count and recount events that hurt you, it only keeps the pain alive. You must let it go and move forward.


4. Think Positively. A negative disposition swings the door wide open to hurts. Do your best to find a silver lining in every situation. Live knowing that the situation could be worse than it is now. Assure yourself with the knowledge that God will help you through as every day is a fresh opportunity.


William W. Purkey gave us a picture of how to carry ourselves beyond our hurts:


“You’ve gotta dance like there’s

nobody watching,

Love like you’ll never be hurt,

Sing like there’s nobody listening,

And live like it’s heaven on earth.”


I am praying you experience heaven on earth wherever you are.



Last modified on Monday, 04 April 2016 10:10
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